the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
