Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
