I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
