it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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