things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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