i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
