Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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