3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
