Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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