she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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