yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
