I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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