I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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