I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
