Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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