Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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