I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
