I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
