I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
