Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
