i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
