he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
