you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize