My balls are so social today.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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