I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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