he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
