Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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