I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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