Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
