My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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