it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
