He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Mom said you looked used
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
