you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
