I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
