You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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