I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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