Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
