Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
