I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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