I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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