I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
