Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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