I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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