I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
