Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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