a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
