man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
