Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
