Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
