I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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