After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
