Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
