This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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