wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
