got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
