So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
