Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My ass is underappreciated
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize