Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
