i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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