You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I love you.
Bad choice
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
