And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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