Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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