Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
