Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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