I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
