Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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