so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
