at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
