Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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